Take the Quiz

It’s hard to know when you’ve crossed the Crunchy Threshold, use this helpful quiz for women to self-diagnose!

*If you are a man, you might need to answer for your significant female, or pretend to be a woman. You’ll need to keep track of your letter answers on a notepad or something (1-a, 2-e, 3-b, etc.) so you can score yourself at the end and discover just how crunchy you are!

 

HOW CRUNCHY ARE YOU?

1. Where did you (or your significant other) have your last baby?

a. Um, in a hospital?

b. At home in a bed

c. At home in a tub or a pool

d. Outdoors under a full moon

e. I don’t remember

 

2. What did you do with the placenta?

a. What?  I think the hospital threw it away…

b. Brought it home in a reusable wet bag to compost for my garden

c. Sent it away in the mail to be freeze-dried and encapsulated (to eat later in pill form)

d. Cooked and ate it at home with the family

e. I don’t know about mine but I’ve been dumpster-diving behind the hospital for years…

 

3. What kind of Diapers did/do you use?

a. Disposables

b. Seventh Generation Disposables

c. Cloth Diapers

d. Recycled Newspapers

e. Recycled Disposables

 

4. How did/do you first feed your kids?

a. Infant Formula

b. Breastfeeding for the first 6-12 months

c. Breastfeeding for the first 24-48 months

d. Breastfeeding for the first 120-144 months

e. Breastfeeding for the first 360 months

 

5. What do you use when doing the laundry?

a. Name-Brand Detergent

b. Non-Toxic Natural Detergent

c. Soap Berries / Nuts

d. Don’t wash, we allow our clothing and bodies to find a natural chemical balance

e. We only wear what God gave us

 

6. How do you educate your kids?

a. Regular Public or Private School

b. Waldorf or Montessori School

c. Home School

d. Send them into the woods with a book and a knife each Monday morning

e. Teach them to pan-handle on popular highway entrances

 

7. What do you do when you need bread?

a. Go to the store to buy more, obviously

b. Buy organic / sprouted grains bread

c. Bake more, obviously

d. All grains are evil because they are a part of the military-industrial complex

e. One Word: Wonderbread

 

8. Which magazine do you read (or most interests you)?

a. Home & Garden

b. Mothering

c. Mother Earth News

d. H+ (transhumanism)

e. Soldier of Fortune

 

9. What is your toothpaste brand-of-choice?

a. Crest Whitening

b. JASON Healthy Mouth with Tartar Control

c. Redmond Earthpaste

d. Tooth Soap Cinnamon Shreds

e. Fermented Meat Diet

 

10. What do you use for transportation?

a. A car

b. Hybrid car and/or public transport

c. Only walk or ride a bike, even though we have seven kids

d. Never travel more than two miles from my underground hydroponic farm

e. Leaving the compound is forbidden, unless we get a visit from ATF or the FBI, then we use the tunnels

 

Nice work, you’re finished!  Now take your answers and score yourself…

First total up letters using the following value…

a = 1
b = 2
c = 3
d = 4
e = 5

Then take your total to find your score below:

 

(1-10) Totally Normal – You play by the rules of society and then some, the path of least resistance (unless you live in Portland, Seattle, Austin, Boulder, or anywhere in California, in which case you are probably judged for your choices).

(11-20) Crispy – You were ‘normal’ up until recently, but you’ve made some small life-adjustments and are slipping closer and closer into the crunchy lifestyle.  Your ‘normal’ friends think of you as a ‘hippy’.

(21-30) Crunchy! 🙂 – You’ve crossed over.  Your reward is living longer, feeling better, and being on the no-fly list.

(31-40) Crazy 😦 – You have, perhaps, gone a bit too far.  Maybe consider seeing someone?  A real doctor?  Watch more TV.

(41-50) Criminal – Your quiz results have been forwarded to local law enforcement.  (Hint: Time to get your go-bag and move the kids to your survivalist fall-back position.)

LIKE THIS QUIZ? Find a copy of the FULL version (11 additional questions) plus a BONUS QUIZ: How Crunchy is your Christmas? in A Husband’s Survival Guide to the Crunchy Life:

A Husband’s Survival Guide to the Crunchy Life