Writing #3 – A Husbands Survival Guide to the Crunchy Life

It begins! This writing post is the first one that actually has some real ‘content’ in it, meaning it’s about a particular writing project (and includes a sample!) and for this one I’m keeping things pretty close to home, e.g., no sci-fi, just pure Crunchy Dungeon goodness. 🙂

Remember this little guy?

The Husband's Crunchy Survival Guide Book Cover - New Colors & No Box

It was a relatively short ebook that at one time we gave away to subscribers. It got an awesome response from readers, but they wanted MORE. The main feedback we got from you was that it needed to be longer.

So here it is, fully rewritten, doubled in length, and professionally published on Amazon. You can get it right now for $2.99, OR, if you can wait until tomorrow (Sunday), you can pick it up for FREE when it goes on promotion for $0.00.

This is a very limited-time offer, the promo will run from Sunday, October 9th, to Tuesday, October 11th, so don’t miss the window to go in and grab your copy. If you are a Kindle owner, you can download it directly on your device by searching for the full title.

(Reading this between October 9th and 11th, 2016? You can get it for free right now!)

And all I ask is that if you pick it up for free that you please write a REVIEW.

AMAZON MARKETING TIP – Once a book listing on Amazon gets something like 20-25 reviews (no one knows the exact number but it’s around there) the Amazon marketing system grabs it and starts promoting it all on its own. For all Amazon authors, it’s the holy grail.

YOU: “So you are soliciting me to write a review for your book?”

ME: “Yes.”

YOU: “What if decide I hate it and want to write a bad review?”

ME: “That’s fine, even bad reviews count towards the total!” 🙂

YOU: “I don’t know, it’s a lot of pressure…”

ME: “But don’t you love the Dungeon?”

YOU: “Yes. With my whole heart. It fills my days with magic and whimsy.”

ME: “Great, so just say something like that and you’ll be fine.”

YOU: “Honestly…I wasn’t going to write a review before, I was just going to go get the book for free and not do anything else, but after this pep-talk, I think I can do it. I think I can go write a review.”

ME: “I believe in you.”

YOU: “Thanks. Now where’s that sample?!!”

ME: “Easy tiger, here’s a sample from chapter two…”

 

eating-guy

CHAPTER TWO – EARLY WARNING SIGNS

For the uninitiated husband, you may not realize that there is any danger. You’re just living your life, watching football, no idea what your wife is doing in the kitchen. You’re hoping that she is going to bring you a beer soon, but you can’t be sure…you’re blissfully ignorant of what is really going on.

Even now as you read this book, do you know where your wife is? Do you know what she’s doing? What she’s reading? What blogs she follows? Every day hundreds, nay, thousands of women are exposed to crunchy lifestyle choices, including your wife. Thanks to the Internet, with its “Blogs” and “Social Media”, no one is safe anymore.

“Not my wife!” you may say.

Well, well, Mr. Confidence, why don’t you go to the kitchen right now and just take a look around? Here’s a list of items to look for. Let’s call them ‘Early Warning Signs of Crunchiness’:

    –    Anything that says “NATURAL” on the label, or worse yet, any combination of these (they travel in packs):

    – NON-GMO

    – GLUTEN FREE

    – VEGAN

    – ORGANIC

    ! RED ALERT BONUS – If you find products that have NO LABELS
    AT ALL because, your wife tells you, they are “locally-sourced.”

    –    Anything that was previously very white, is now inexplicably brown, such as (but not limited to):

    – Paper products

    – Bread

    – Eggs

    – Rice

    ! RED ALERT BONUS – If your kids used to be white-ish but are now     
    various shades of brown and red due to overexposure to sunlight for
    vaguely health related reasons (vitamin D, etc.).

    –    Anything that’s fermented, such as:

    – Pickles

    – Sauerkraut

    – Sourdough Bread

    – Anything Pickled

    ! RED ALERT BONUS – If it appears she pickled or fermented it herself.

    –    Disposable paper products being replaced with washable cloth versions of the same thing:

    – Diapers

    – Towels

    – Wipes

    – Toilet Paper

    ! RED ALERT BONUS – Soap Products that seem to be peddling
    some sort of weird religious and/or philosophical ideas. May or may
    not have a picture of a woman dressed in Victorian clothes, or a man
    with a beard.*

*IF YOU HAVE FOUND A PRODUCT IN YOUR HOME WITH A PICTURE OF A MAN WITH A BEARD ON IT, STOP READING RIGHT THIS INSTANT AND ADVANCE TO CHAPTER 3!

– End of Sample –

Get the rest of it and / or write a review!

Live in Canada? You need to visit the Amazon.ca site to get access, click here instead

*If you are reading this well past the date of publication on this post, it is possible that you have missed the promo already, but it will come around again, click here to sign up!*

Already got your copy and written a review? You can double down and re-post your same review on goodreads. As of this posting the only review on there is from my wife…which is at the same time both hilarious and kind of sad…

NEXT TIME, FOR WRITING #4:

My #1 Seller on Amazon to date!

 

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