So we were at a gathering of friends and I was seeking cups for my children to have some water with their healthy-cake:
FRIEND: “So…glass cups?”
ME: “They’re good with glass.”
FRIEND: “Well…I’m not sure we have glass that’s clean at the moment…”
ME: “Oh well plastic is OK, I just meant that my kids are OK with handling glass cups.”
FRIEND: “Oh sure, yeah our kids are too but…”
FRIEND: “Can your kids’ lips touch plastic?”
That’s seriously a real conversation. It happened just last night (at the time of this writing). And not five minutes later:
HUSBAND OF FRIEND: “Do you take cream in your coffee?”
ME: “Yes please.”
HUSBAND OF FRIEND: “Um…do you drink regular* cream?”
HUSBAND OF FRIEND: “Yeah well, I just didn’t know if you did, with the milk and cream…and whatnot…if you drank the regular stuff…at all…”
*(regular meaning not organic)
I’ve come to face this as a fact: When you’re crunchy it’s like you belong to some weird religion, with weird dietary restrictions, restrictions that your friends and family want to respect (hey, whatever you believe is cool for you, man) but are living in constant fear of offending:
“I’m SO SO SORRY, I didn’t mean to touch your Scoby”
“Oh, you wanted to have this birth naturally? I’m sorry, when you were screaming I thought I heard ‘epidural’ and so…yeah sorry about that.”
But that’s OK, it provides endless educational (evangelistic?) opportunities to spread crunchy information. However such proselytizing must be done with extreme caution. Some subjects aren’t worth broaching, and you have to factor in that revelation must come in stages. You can’t just pull the Matrix needle out of people’s brains and not expect them to fall on the floor and vomit.
That is, if you don’t like people flopping around on your floor, vomiting. Then it’s best to pace yourself.
Or just keep it to yourself.
NEXT WEEK, ON THE CRUNCHY DUNGEON: