No. 58 – Vitamin C Flush

Apparently Vitamin C is the miracle drug that is all staring us in the face. If you would believe the Internet, it can cure cancer, as well as nearly everything else.

Also it prevents scurvy, which is a real concern. I’m pretty sure I almost got scurvy shortly after beginning feeding myself in college. I moved out of dorm and hence stopped eating in the cafeteria. I remember my first shopping trip:

Milk

20 lbs of White Rice

Powdered Lemonade Mix

Powdered Hot Chocolate Mix

I may have also purchased some butter and/or dry cereal…but the above items stick out most in my mind. Also I had frozen bagels, but I didn’t buy those. I got them from a freezer in the garage of a stranger whom, as the rumor around campus went, owned a bakery or something and left week old bagels in their freezer for students to snag.

It sounded reasonable, reasonable enough that I walked into the open garage of someone I’d never met, opened their deep freezer, and took a couple bags of bagels. In my defense, they DID have an unusual amount of bagels in that deep freezer. If they didn’t own a bakery, they were certainly stealing from one.

Also my friends were cheering me on from the sidewalk.

Anyway, after a couple of weeks of a high-carb, low-everything-else diet, I started to die a little bit, which I think is a sign of scurvy. Apparently the lemonade mix I was using wasn’t super high in vitamin C…

Yes, yes, my wife rescued me from a tragic life of nutritional deficiency. I’m not complaining. I used to feel terrible, now I feel like Batman (physically, not emotionally…Batman has problems).

Anyway, back to the Vit C, I guess if you eat enough of it, your insides are coated and glowing yellow, neon yellow, and what viruses could stick to that? None. They slide right off.

AUTHOR’S NOTE – This is probably the most unscientific description of how Vitamin C is good for you, and my wife will probably slap me when she proofs this, but I don’t care. It’s too late at night to be researching.

Also Vitamin C is a great way to flush your system. You know that you’ve taken enough to saturate when you start getting a little loose on the other end. Then you need to back it off, or you’ll get dehydrated.

Which probably would give cancer a fresh foothold in your system.

Being dehydrated is bad all around.

 

NEXT WEEK, ON THE CRUNCHY DUNGEON:

Before the ‘organic-revolution’ of our personal lives, I could eat pretty much anything. I also experienced a number of regular gastrointestinal issues that my wife thought were abnormal:

WIFE: “OH MY WORD”

ME: “Oh? Sorry, yeah that was me.”