No. 55 – Dairy Scarcity

Milk is a staple in our home. Already there’ve been a couple of posts on milk and dairy, that sort of thing, but a big issue that I’ve not addressed yet is HOW we get our milk.

That is a complex thing.

Dairy is perishable. If you leave it too long it turns into clabber. Or something worse.  And clabber isn’t exactly flying off the shelves so local grocers aren’t exactly overstocking on their dairy. They buy just what they think will sell.

My wife uses a number of tactics to make sure that she is able to get what she wants. The reason we have to do this is that we only drink a special kind of milk: organic, non-homogenized and pasteurized at low heat, etc. It’s hard to come by.The end result is sort of like bidding on Ebay:

1. She finds out exactly what date they get their delivery and swoops in and buys most of it.

2. She bribes the dairy guy to hide milk and cream in the back for her to pick up if she’s going to be a day late or more.

3. She works out a special order with the dairy guy, and has him get extra just for us (and hold it in the back).

Unfortunately this doesn’t always work out well, as per the recent experience of working things out with a store we hadn’t used in a while…

WIFE: (at store) “Why don’t you have any more (insert brand name) milk & cream left?!!”

STORE GUY: “Well…we only get a delivery every other week now, so we’re sold out…”

WIFE: “Arg!  Fine I will be back next week. What day?”

STORE GUY: “Um…Wednesday. We get the dairy delivery on Wednesday.”

(next week)

WIFE: “Arg! Why don’t you have any more milk & cream left?!!”

STORE GUY: “Well…we only get a delivery every other week, so we’re sold out…”

WIFE: “LAST WEEK I was told that THIS WEEK was the delivery!”

STORE GUY: “Um…well next week is the week they deliver the dairy…so….”

WIFE: (covering eyes with hand) “OK, OK, I will come back next week.”

(the next, next week)

WIFE: “Arg! Why don’t you have any more milk & cream left?!!!”

STORE GUY: “Well…we only get a delivery every other week, so we’re sold out…”

(the next, next, next week)

WIFE: (speechless, staring at the empty dairy shelves)

STORE GUY: “Oh hey, it’s you.”

WIFE: (turning to stare at store guy)

STORE GUY: “Um…(clearing throat)…yeah, so they moved the dairy delivery to Fridays…it looks like we sold out already.”

ME: (at home, staring into fridge) “Hey why don’t we have any milk?”

WIFE: (RESPONSE REDACTED)

Yeah so that didn’t go so well…now just trying to talk her into going back to having it delivered…

 

NEXT WEEK, ON THE CRUNCHY DUNGEON:

Anyway, so not only is our NEW NEW acupuncturist filling my wife’s skin with needles, she’s also filling her mind with new ideas. Ideas about lunch.