No. 48 – My life as a Drug Mule

It could be any morning…

ME: “I’m going into the city, see you later!”

WIFE: “Oh! Are you going to be seeing Steve?”

ME: “Yes, Steve is going to be there.”

WIFE: “OK because his wife has morning sickness, I saw on Facebook, so please take her these and these.” (hands me two sketchy looking clear plastic bags)

ME: “What are these?”

WIFE: “Just give them to Steve to give to his wife, she’ll know.”

ME: “Ok, I will try to rememb–”

WIFE: “Oh and don’t forget, tell him to tell her to only take them after 6pm, and not with food.”

ME: “Um, OK–”

WIFE: “And not to touch their cat after!”

ME: “Anything else?”

WIFE: “Nope, thanks Sweetie!”

 

TEN MINUTES LATER:

OFFICER: “Please keep your palms on the hood of the car, Sir”

ME: “If you would just let me expla–”

OFFICER: “Hands on hood. What exactly are these?”

ME: “I don’t know. I don’t know. I think they’re homeopathic.”

OFFICER: “Homo-Telepathic?”

ME: “No, that’s not, that’s not what I said!”

OFFICER: (walking back to car with ziplocks) “I’m going to have to call this in…”

OK so maybe that second part was imagined, but it’s a VERY real possibility in my future. I’m CONSTANTLY being asked to ferry sketchy looking bottles and bags and pills to people, rarely being fully aware of their contents or intentions.

I’m one traffic stop away from a narcotics charge.

And/or a cavity search.

Dang.

 

NEXT WEEK, ON THE CRUNCHY DUNGEON:

All of your issues are really manifesting because of this one central issue, XYZ is the root issue.

If I had a dollar for every time I heard the words ‘root-issue’…