Our lives are all backwards.
But in a kind of fun way I guess…
You see whenever someone is hurt or sick or maybe going to get sick, diseased, or something along those lines, my wife lights up. Not in a “I’m so glad to hear you have cancer” way, but in I “Oh, I think I have something that can help with that!” way.
If that makes sense.
She just really likes to help people, and is on some level, a healer at heart. So supply and demand, if I want my wife’s attention, all I have to do is indicate an ailment.
ME: “Hey so I need to run to the bank and the store…”
WIFE: (reading) “Hm”
ME: “…did you want me to pick anything up?…”
ME: I’m going to the store, do you need anything?”
WIFE: (turns head to me with unfocused eyes) “When?”
WIFE: (squinting as if trying to see me) “Um…”
ME: “My chest is hurting me”
WIFE: (LASER LOCK) “YES? When did this begin? Sit here.”
ME: (sitting in chair previously occupied by wife) “Just now.”
WIFE: “What were you doing when this started?”
ME: “Trying to ask you a question about if you needed anything from the store.”
WIFE: (facing away, looking into cupboard of treatments) “Washing soda. The blue box.”
ME: (getting up) “I’m feeling much better now actually.”
WIFE: (turning and slumping, hands full of underutilized treatments) “Oh…OK. Drive safe.”
(kind of a true story)
Seriously though, I think she has a lot of untested theories and is just waiting for the chance to try stuff out on people, family members, friends, total strangers visiting our house. And with the introduction of essential oils into our home (see last week’s post) there is now a five-stage evaluation that my wife goes through:
Stage One: Foods
What kind of food are you eating? Is it correct for your biome? Most people fit into one of three categories, carbs (i.e. vegetables and complex carbohydrates), fats & protein, or a mix thereof. If you’re not feeding the little guys inside you what they want to eat, you’re not going to feel well. Is your food toxic? Over-cooked? Over-processed? GMO’s? Food-allergies? This can go pretty deep.
Stage Two: Supplementation
Are your supplements bio-available? Are you taking D3? Are you taking K2 with your D3? Probiotics? Is your fish oil from Norway? What?? You’re not taking fish oil?? Oh Krill…well that’s OK. But is is it from Norway?
Stage Three: Homeopathic
Does the right side of your face feel hot? Does peanut butter make you sweaty? Better or worse for exercise? For wind? For cold wind? Here: Open your mouth. Stick out your tongue (adults opening mouths and tilting heads back like baby birds ready to receive pre-digested worm bits). There! Did you get any?
Stage Four: Herbal
Have some Yummy Yarrow!
Stage Five: Essential Oils
Hold still, watch your eyes. There!
Now take a sip of this homeopathic solution (tapping bottom of the water bottle as she talks) every night, be sure to tap it on a hard surface a few times each time you take it and (sticking hand-made label onto water bottle) keep it in away from magnets. Try and eat more healthy fats and be sure to take more D3 once the snows come, you’ll feel much better! And I’ll send you an email with all of those links I mentioned, be sure to watch the one on parasites. I don’t want to say anything for sure, but I would just keep an eye on my stools for a few weeks, break them up a bit if need be, just to be sure.
People just love coming over to our place for dinner.
NEXT WEEK, ON THE CRUNCHY DUNGEON:
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