No. 36 – Natural Bug Repellent that Really Works !

Lies, none of them work. My wife has bought and tried them all. All of them. On me.

One day we were at the park watching the kids play and dusk came upon us, and with dusk, the mosquitoes. My wife helpfully whips out her latest round of natural bug repellent sprays and begins heartily spraying my exposed legs.

WIFE: “We’ll just give this one a try and see how it does…”

ME: “What?”

WIFE: “I’ve been wanting to see if this is a good kind, if it’s effective.”

ME: (mosquitoes hovering over thigh) “Um, they’re hovering, I think I’d like to swat them away now…”

WIFE: “No, let’s see if they land!”

ME: (urgency rising in voice) “They’re landing, they’ve touched down, I’m going to swat now!”

WIFE: “NO, let’s see if they insert!”

ME: “What? No, no inserting!” (swatting)

WIFE: (sighs) “Well…let’s try this other one I found…”

ME: But there’s been West Nile Virus reported in our area, I don’t think this is a good idea…”

WIFE: “Oh I have a homeopathic nosode for that, we’ll give you some drops when we get home!”

That seriously happened.

No I’m fine, thanks for asking, no West Nile contracted.

Later that summer when we went camping we were so freaked out about getting Lyme disease from ticks that we finally broke down and got some real bug repellent. You seriously don’t want Lyme disease.

AUTHOR’S NOTE – My wife says that out of all of the option’s she’s tested thus far, this is the best one, Buzz Away Extreme:

612YU3zP-uL._SL1187_

It actually kinda works…but if you’re going to be in tick country, you’re better off going with the real thing.

 

NEXT WEEK, ON THE CRUNCHY DUNGEON:

Who even thought of this idea in the first place? Growing up, the only time soap entered my mouth was when I said a cuss or something I wasn’t supposed to. Then there was a bar of soap on my tongue.

Shudders.