No. 34 – Do you have Cyclical Vomiting Syndrome?

I have, in the past, had issues with cyclical vomiting. I’m not sure that I had classic cyclical vomiting syndrome, as the Internet describes. However I think I had a bug from either some bad eggs or bad saltwater taffy from the Oregon Coast. We went on a trip and ate at an unnamed breakfast place, I had massive plate of pancakes and eggs, and then later we ate some fresh saltwater taffy. One of those two items was harboring a bacteria that would live inside me for years, causing me to begin vomiting whenever I got too dehydrated, through not drinking enough / drinking too much beer (as in two beers, I’m a lightweight) and/or being in the sun too long.

The sun and I have a love / hate relationship (see previous posts regarding sunlight and sunscreen.)

Mostly hate actually.

Also I hate heat. In retrospect, it may have been unwise to have left the Pacific Northwest, with all its glorious clouds and rain and greenery.

I digress.

So I used to have this issue, I would throw up so many times, usually through the night, that by morning I’d have to go to the emergency room for an IV and some kind of drug to make me stop vomiting. It was awful. I’d get so dehydrated that my veins would be all flat under my skin like the little ditches you see along the sides of rural roads. Then after I was ‘better’ I’d be totally out of it for days, trying to get my strength back.

Finally some doctor did a test or something and said that I have ‘blah, blah, blah’ and that I’d need to go onto antibiotics for a week to get rid of it. It just so happened that I was headed to the Oregon Coast again for a week and thought that would be a great time to take the course of drugs.

Irony.

Turns out taking antibiotics makes you feel TERRIBLE. Somehow the doctor had failed to mention this. I suppose he figured that, like most Americans, I had been given antibiotics several times before, all in the fight to grow superbugs that are resistant to everything and that will eventually kill us all. At least that seems to be the strategy that most doctors are following…

Job security.

Anyway, that I would have taken them lots of times before and knew that I would feel bad, but this came as a total surprise and ruined a week at the beach.

Today, knowing what we know now (like the fact that it can take your body between ONE OR TWO YEARS to recover its natural gut flora after a run of antibiotics, the flora that eats your food for you and makes you alive and human) I probably wouldn’t have taken it. But for better or for worse, it seems to have killed whatever was inside me (along with everything good and pure that had been in my body up to that point). My wife knew enough back then to have me eat a lot of yogurt. I might have also taken some probiotics…but maybe not. We weren’t crunchy then, just edging toward crispy.

I digress again.

So I no longer have the same issue I used to have with dehydration and vomiting.  However I still have a terrible fear of throwing up, because when it starts I have a great deal of trouble stopping. I’ve learned that usually if I can fall asleep in the few moments where I feel better (after throwing up) that I can get clear of it and wake up feeling semi-normal, even if a little beat up.

My wife also tries to be helpful in her own way, giving me homeopathic treatments and bentonite clay suspended in unfiltered apple juice. However the least helpful thing was to wake up nauseous and find my wife smearing this fumy ointment under my ears and on my neck.

“What are you doing?” I moaned.

“It’s a salve I bought when we visited Amish Country” she whispered to me, patting my head.

In that troubled moment I vaguely remembered the exchange of cash with a bearded man who spoke some form of German, little bottles were received in exchange for said cash. Those bottles were now, apparently, in our bedroom and the contents of which were smeared on my neck and behind my ears, making me feel, in addition to terrible, sticky and stinky.

“Curse the Amish and their salves!” I cry, weakly, lacking the strength to curse them with any real force.

The next day I railed about the evils of applying experimental Amish products onto nauseated husbands and made my wife swear to never do that again. She took it well.

There are always the children to experiment on.

 

NEXT WEEK, ON THE CRUNCHY DUNGEON:

After another helpful afternoon at the Chiropractor (see muscle testing post) my wife had learned all about EFT. I forget what that stands for exactly…Emotional Feeling Touching or something like that. Doesn’t matter.