Let me say a few things I don’t like about bee farms:
1. There are lots and lots of bees there.
2. Everything tastes like honey (I don’t like the taste of honey).
3. There are lots and lots of bees there.
Now I eat just about anything, but honey has always been a holdout. I’ve tried to beat it the way I beat coffee, by consuming it sugared until I got used to the underlying flavor. With honey, that means eating lots of those little honey sticks. The fact that I like the bright colors helps.
This last time’s attempt: Pina Colada flavor.
Anyway, so there’s this tour and they explain how everything made by bees is amazing and you should eat it and make sure to visit the gift shop. So we visit the gift shop, pick up some bee pollen, etc. The usual.
Initially my perspective on this was, “We didn’t come home with a drop of honey, everyone wins.”*
But now the first thing that hits the inside of my mouth each day (even before I start into my pre-breakfast lemon water tea that is supposed to activate my liver, or actually my wife’s tea is supposed to activate her liver but my liver gets some action too because we’re married and that’s what you do, see post about my wife’s liver) are little colored pellets of pollen.
Yes, again, I like the colors. Apparently the different colors are from the different flowers, the different batches of pollen I guess. The tour guide did quite the demonstration of how they collect the pollen from the bodies of the bees, they put this grill down (inside the hive?) and the bees kind of crash-land on it and a bunch of the pollen falls off through the grill.
The demonstration included a small stuffed bee and a lot of sound effects.
It also included an explanation on how pollen is nature’s most complete food. It’s got like 22 amino acids, all kinds of vitamins, and stuff that helps your body recover after duress. Athletes eat it after major competitions. You do have to be careful though because some people have had bad reactions, like people allergic to pollen.
Key Life Tip: Don’t eat concentrated forms of things you’re allergic to. Like my wife is allergic to mold. All the time I’m like, “Babe, don’t eat concentrated forms of mold, I love you.”
I’ll be honest though, pollen first thing in the morning? Not the best part of waking up. Kind of like if dust bunnies formed a co-op and raised little dust pellet food and then you went to their little dust economy farmer’s market and bought some and ate it. It’s like that.
I have this little spoonful every morning (a small spoonful because I guess your body has to get used to it or it’ll make you more regular than you want to be) and I load my mouth with water and angle my head back to make the pollen clear my taste buds, then I just tell my throat to flush it down and away it swirls untasted (for the most part).
But still I end up with the sensation that my breath smells like it would if I were a praying mantis. At least until I’m through with my lemon water tea.
*Editor’s Note: My wife has informed me that we did indeed buy honey in addition to the pollen. Apparently I blocked it out.
Key Life Tip: Use selective memory techniques to improve your perspective on your past.
NEXT WEEK, ON THE CRUNCHY DUNGEON:
One day I go into the bathroom and I find wife water-boarding herself over the sink with this little blue watering can. She’s almost choking for air as she’s literally pouring water into one nostril and allowing it to flow through her sinuses and out the other nostril. I would be more concerned except that she’s also beaming at me, with tears in her eyes. But not so much tears of joy, more like the tears that form when you have running water pouring through your sinuses.