CHIROPRACTOR: “So, how’s the back doing this week?”
ME: “Great, have a little soreness from last week after you-”
WIFE: “What do you know about Homeopathic Acupuncture?”
CHIROPRACTOR: “Well I-”
WIFE: “I was reading about how they’re using it stop the growth of cancer in rats in California, and I’m wondering if I should be doing it preventatively for our new kitten. He’s had a bad spell, I’m worried about about parasites.”
CHIROPRACTOR: “Well with pets, it’s hard to say what transfers. I-”
ME: “I think that our time is nearly up, should we maybe finish my adjustment or…”
Graciously though, our chiropractor took us through the basics of muscle testing and, frankly, blew my mind. The idea is that everyone and everything has an energy field of some kind. Probably a quantum physics thing. Anyway, if you get too close or touch something that’s bad for you, it actually interferes with your brain’s ability to send signals to your body. You first take a base reading by having someone hold their arm out away from their body at a right angle, and you press down on their hand to gauge how much force it takes to move their arm down. You push, they resist and try and hold it in place, and you increase until they can’t and their arm moves.
Then, you do it again but this time have them hold something super poisonous against their chest.
He had me hold a can of Lysol and my arm gave way like butter. Crazy feeling, it’s like if you’ve ever had a pinched nerve and felt your muscles go weak. I just couldn’t keep my arm up with half the force on it.
I think he keeps that can there just to use with muscle testing.
At home we used the test to try out which supplements were helping and which weren’t helping, and which weren’t making much of a difference either way (but were costing us a small fortune).
Now muscle testing is our favorite new party trick. You should probably watch a YouTube video or something to make sure you’re doing it right (note that most of these are hilarious and painful to watch, but this still is totally legit, it works). There are ways to fool people (pull slightly on their hand to get them off balance, etc). But otherwise its a super useful tool and a fun thing to do to completely blow people’s minds.
You can find additional resources on muscle testing here.
NEXT WEEK, ON THE CRUNCHY DUNGEON:
Once when I was eleven, I was on an airplane over the Atlantic ocean (PanAm no less!) and the flight attendant asked me if I would like a glass of milk. And I said, yes, I would like a glass of milk. So she brought me what I can only now assume was a glass of whole milk. I foolishly started chugging what I had assumed was ‘milk’ in my understanding of the word, and immediately felt sick. After a lifetime of drinking chunky white water, the impact of whole milk on my taste buds was revolting. It was like drinking directly from the fat layer of a baby seal…